It's a Scary World out there...

Hurricanes and earthquakes and destroying countries and terrorism and more hurricanes... Yipes! Today we're offering a few ideas for helping kids handle some of those fears.
Talk of destruction and suffering are all around us, and inescapably all around our children. It's scary! Add to that all the things that might be lurking in the dark or under our beds - any time we cannot see something, or do not understand how it works or why it happens, or find ourselves in a new situation we cannot predict, we may feel fear or anxiety - at any age. 

Use Dramatic Play
We like to use dramatic play to help children cope with fears that are unlikely to occur (what if aliens attack?), and talking and games to handle fears that are more in the sphere of possibility (what if a hurricane comes to get us?)

We act out what might happen, with a silly or happy twist.
One of our favorite books to introduce this particular dramatic play activity is Ed Emberly's Go Away Big Green Monster. Monsters aren't so scary when you think of them as a collection of silly pieces instead of one big creature.

We like to have kids draw something they are fearful of, and then we work together as a group to figure out a way we could make that fear feel less scary.

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From Scary to Silly
One child was afraid of giant dinosaurs with sharp teeth. We mentioned that dinosaurs were not around anymore, but we understand that the idea of them can be still scary.
What about the dinosaur is scary?

• If it's the big stompy feet, maybe we can imagine ourselves wearing an unstompable shell. And we all march around wearing our shells while the dinosaurs try and fail to stomp us. 
• ​If it's the loud roars, let's imagine the dino with a tiny squeaky voice! And we all move like dinosaurs speaking to each other in squeaky little voices. It's too silly to be scary!
• If it's the big claws - on a dinosaur, or for another child, on a bear - what if the animal was wearing silly dress up gloves? For a very sophisticated example of this, please see my very sophisticated graphic above.

If your little ones worry, like another of our students, about being separated from their parents by a giant, you could imagine a way to get to the parents. Let’s pretend we’re on a tall mountain and mom is on another mountain. How can we get to her? Let’s build a bridge way up high! Or throw over a big rope! Then we all cross the bridge or swing over with the rope, out of the giant's reach. Or maybe offer the giant a cookie and make a new friend! 

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The goal is to help children understand that THEY have control over their mindset, and they can make a choice to think about something in a different way.

Does this provide a real-life actionable resolution to the situation? Welllll…. I know if I ran into a bear, I wouldn’t stop to try to put princess accessories on it. And if your child lives in an area that actually does have a lot of bears, you will probably want to treat this as a more realistic fear and talk about what to do if you encounter one. For instance...

Talk Through Fears Based on Real Things
For other real-life but unlikely possibilities like an earthquake, look up the facts, explain how it happens as simply as you can (try using paper as shifting tectonic plates, then let them play with the paper too) and that the chances of it happening where you live are very small. But that's not our focus today...

Which leads me to new experiences and unfamiliar situations. 

To handle more immediate scenarios, we are, like many of you I’m sure, big fans of describing unfamiliar situations in advance, walking them through what may happen.

I like the communication guidelines my father used to prescribe from his military days.... "Tell em what you're gonna tell 'em. Tell 'em. Then tell 'em whatcha told 'em!"

Essentially this boils down to Predict, Prepare, & Reflect

Unfamiliar can be Fun!
First step: Tell 'em what you're gonna tell em (or rather, what they're going to experience)

You can make it a treasure hunt! Make a list together in advance of people, objects, noises, smells etc that you might encounter, then search for them as the experience happens and let the child(ren) check them off the list. See document -->

When we go to the doctor, what will we see? Where will we go? How will we get there? Who might be there? What might we hear and smell? What will we do? Maybe the doctor will sing a silly song! If she doesn't, we could ask her to sing one 😀

Go ahead and put the scary parts on the list - we know fears lose some power over us just by verbalizing them!
​Plus it gives us an opportunity to temper them with reality, and sandwich them with not-so-scary parts.
__We will read a fun book in the doctor's office
__We will get a shot that may or may not hurt a little.
__The shot will only hurt for a few seconds
__We will get a funny bandaid or a treat

​Second Step: Tell 'em. aka Do the thing, and talk about it as you go, referencing your earlier discussions and what great predictions the child(ren) made. If you made a treasure hunt list, check off the items - or put an X in the box if you didn't experience them after all. Scary monsters at the doctor's office? No monsters here! X in that box!

Third Step: Tell 'em what you told 'em.
Follow-through is key! Be sure to go over the list afterwards, or the next day, as you recap and reflect on the experience. Were our predictions right? Was it REALLY as scary as you thought it would be? Hopefully that answer is NO!

To bring Bitty City Players' social-emotional awareness workshops to your community in the NYC area, get in touch!